• David Unger PhD

Unanimous and Anonymous




I was appreciating myself and congratulating me for taking a moment to reflect on the day and how much I had valued and enjoyed my afternoon. While I was looking in the mirror and acknowledging myself I realized that while I was appreciating myself no one else was – aside from the guy in the mirror. I wondered if I would keep my afternoon to myself or share it and maybe get some acknowledgement from someone else. I admit it. I like to be appreciated. By myself and others.


If I shared my afternoon someone might be happy that I was happy but they also might not look as kindly on what I did as I did. Keeping my afternoon to myself not only allowed me to practice self-appreciating, but kept the voting on my afternoon unanimous. When I keep my own council I sometimes can get split decisions as I usually can see different sides of an issue. But, other times I have clarity and either give myself a poor grade or, as in this case, reward my efforts with an A. I decided to let my own unanimous appreciation stand by itself and I'm happy with that decision.


While I was thinking about keeping my appreciation to myself I reminded myself that often people give a donation or do something in support of others and choose to remain anonymous. I have always envied those that do not need appreciation to feel good about themselves. At the end of the year I make contributions to various non-profits and sometimes am offered the opportunity to be listed and recognized. I usually have opted for that public recognition. (I did say I like to be appreciated). Yet, I have now come (mostly) to make those gifts anonymously.


I am now pretty unanimous in my thinking that I don't need someone to read a program and see my name. Of course, I must admit, my movement towards greater anonymity is coming out in a post for you to read. So, needless to say, I still have some distance to travel in allowing myself to appreciate me and having that be all that is necessary and sufficient*.



* I have to add a note here. Some of you may recognize the phrase "necessary and sufficient." It was coined by Carl Rogers, PhD who was the person who most influenced my beliefs about therapy. He thought there were three things a therapist needed to do to create the “necessary and sufficient” conditions for therapy to occur. I can write about those another time or you can Google them, but for the moment I like to ask myself and others what are the necessary and sufficient conditions that need to occur for you to feel good about yourself. In my case, if my goal is to have my own appreciation be enough I need to remind myself that indeed my unanimous appreciation of me is challenging enough to come by and is certainly plenty good enough.

#DavidBowie #Anonymous #Unanimous #Donations #CarlRogers

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