Given that people who read self-help books tend to read more than one, I don't think you need to limit yourself to reading only one book about relationships. But, if you were going to limit yourself to one book (that is, in addition to my own), this would be the one. Harville Hendrix is known in the field for the research he conducts so when he suggests something it is beacause he has seen it born out by evidence. This is a classic book which he has updated.

Here is something you already know, but won't enjoy hearing again - your internal limitations are thwarting your efforts to love way more than your external limitations. Kingma has written numerous books about love and you could basically pick anyone. I like this one because she talks about 4 keys that you need to put on your keychain to unlock your relationship happiness. 

I had a couple in therapy and she was complaining how he rarely told her he loved her. He gave her an exasperated look and said: "I wash your car. You think I do that for anyone else?" That about sums this book up, although there is way more here to help you understand how better to communicate and understand your partner.

If you have never read or know that much about Deepak Chopra it might be time to introduce yourself. Yes, there is a spiritual element here that may deter some, but please don't avoid giving yourself a chance to read his thoughts about love, relationships and building a better life. This is not about some spirit or God outside you, but the one within you.  

Some time ago I heard someone say:"Dare to be great."

Then I heard Nelson Mandella's inaugural speech where he quoted Marianne Williamson:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?”

This book will help you dare to be great both in and out of your relationships.

This is really about your relationship with you. Martin Seligman, Ph.D. is the guru of Positive Psychology. I have a free survey you can take in the Things To Do & Places To Go section. His substantial research is all about what you can do to increase the happiness in your life. I have some of his exercises in my Parenting Book as I believe the happier you are the happier your children will be.

Some years ago Dr. Buscalgia taught courses at the University of Southern California where he was called the Love Doctor. This is a collection of his lectures which made him one of if not the most popular professors on campus. He talks about after all his years of teaching about love he has never found simple workable definition. I think this is due in part to the fact that we use the word love to describe how we feel about another person, a food we like, a place we go and and any number of other things. Love can encompass so many things, and Dr. Buscagia will entertain and inform you about much of it.

If William Masters of Masters & Johnson writes that "twice through this book may not be enough" I think most authors would be satisfied. There is a lot of information here about sexuality, social influences and the mind/body connection. If you care about your sex/love life and want to know more, think more and do more this classic might be of benefit to you.

I realized one day that if I wanted to enhance my life I ought to learn more about love. That prompted me go to workshops, talk to people and read a lot of books. This one led the pack with number of passages underlined. As Dr. Keen admits "I was over educated at Harvard and Princeton." What you can take away from that is this is a very smart man who is very thoughtful. As one reviewer noted he has "one of the liveliest minds." If that intrigues you, I am sure you will find much to ponder in this classic book.

While time away from a relationship can be valuable, if you want a relationship to flourish you need to invest some time in it. Why not go out to eat. Nothing fancy. Just something affordable and easy. While you are eating and thinking of safe things to talk about,why not say this: "Let's share three good things that happened today. I will go first." There are numerous variations on this that you can take, but the goal is to share positive things. Doing that usually makes people feel better. If not, do it anyway. Maybe even every day. To you, to them and to anyone else.

What is the miracle cure for your relationship? Of course, there is none, but here is someting to consider. How about doing something unexpected? Maybe the word surprise fits in, maybe not. But, why not arrange to do something special for your partner that you know, and I mean know not guess, she/he will like. Some couples have designated evenings when one of them is responsible for the night's entertainment with the caveat that you need to be 90% certain your partner will like it. Relationships are investments. If you want yours to pay off you need to put some creative energy into it. 

Here is a talking tip. If you want the other person to talk more, wait until they are talking about something and when they are done using their exact words repeat what you think was the key sentence/thought/idea. Then shut up. The idea is to let them know what you think is their main point and that you are wanting to understand them. The other hope is they will take that attempt to convey understaning and run with it. Don't do this all the time. But try it out some of the time.

This is the classic book about dying and loss. It is not an easy book to read, but if you happen to be grieving the death of someone close to you, this is as good a book as you can find. Dr. Kubler- Ross clearly knew a lot about death and the grief that surrounds it. Her words may be helpful to you and yours. The only thing I would add is we grieve all the time - about the parking space we didn't get, the opportunity we missed, the person who disappointed us and the person who left us. The varying kinds and degrees of loss and learning more about the process will help you with them all.

 
 
 

I am not entirely sure what this graphic is about. I can tell it has something to do with the earth moving around the sun, but aside from that I have no clue. Which is kind of what I think about a lot of things. I know I can pick up my phone and do thousands of things, but I have no idea how that happens. It is a miracle to me. We all have a relationship with the earth and the universe a lot of which we know next to nothing about. Go to a planetarium or a botanical garden or someplace where you can learn something about the world we inhabit.

 

Perhaps because I spend a good part of my day talking for my living I have come to value talking things over. Many couples once they are past the honeymoon stage find they have less and less to talk about. The old stories have all been told and once you go over the day's highlight and lowlight reel what else is there to say? How about saying two things you really like about the other person. Some days there may be something she/he did that you especially appreciate and some days you may appreciate the same old things you have always appreciated. Doesn't matter what you share just as long as it is honest. 

 

Some people put a lot of energy into supporting the well being of the earth. Others less so and others embody this Jackson Browne

lyric: "You've left it for somebody other than you  to be the one to care." I was raised with the slogan that if you are not part of the solution you are part of the problem. I think that holds true for many of our endeavors. I encourage you to devote some of your energy into helping out our earth.

 

Some people love to dance and others not so much. Even though some people protest about dancing it is one of those things that once you allow yourself to move around you usually feel better. It is a matter of loosening your inhibitions along with your critical nature and letting your body react to the music.  Which is why a lot of people are hesitant. It is not easy to do something you don’t think you do well and have to do it in front of others who are much better at it. As awkward as you may be, dancers tend to like other dancers, unless they get too much in their space. Now and then you need to turn on some music too loudly in the kitchen or living area ang get up and do your thing. Maybe someone will join you. 

 

Many people enjoyed this show and I would like to think viewers took to heart the friendship that these characters develloped. I recommend that you talk with whoever is that number one or two slot about how much you value their friendship. Yes, it may be awkward. You don't have to go on and on. You can just someting short and sweet and move on. You do want to remember to putting some more energy into being with those you love.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

This book is a little dated, but, truthfully, there is not a wealth of ground breaking new research on how to relate to others. Much of the research that has been done has been done by this author. He weaves the research and his experience into a very readable book that will give you plenty of techniques you can easily employ to improve your relationships. 

  • Facebook Social Icon
  • YouTube Social  Icon
  • Instagram Social Icon